The AntiMary Sue and Rabid Fangirl League
by the oro-ing elf
Summary: What happens when you send 3 psyhcotic girls with weapons into Middle Earth with a "mission" to rid it from fangirls? Lots and Lots of Insanity, thats what! It's better than it sounds. Reviwers get a fangirl flambeing kit! Much Mary Sue Bashing! PG to be
1. THE BREAKOUT

A/N: HI! If you are reading this fic than you must be reeeeaaaaaly bored. BUT FEAR NOT! I decided that something must be done about this pre-teen rabid fangirl problem. Now, I don't have anything against all fangirls, just the ones who don't care about the movies and just see them cuz of the guys in them. This has been a public service announcement paid for by the Anti-Mary Sue and Rabid Fangirl League.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING, well cept the Anti-Mary Sue and Rabid Fangirl League and its members. BUT OTHER THAN THAT I OWN NOTHING!!!

(X)AMSARFGL OATH: We swear to protect movies from any evils that they may come across (Mary Sues, Gary Stus and Rabid fangirls etc.)(X)

(X)We shift to the Headquarters of the AMSRFGL(X)

The Headquarters (as it will be referred to) is about as anti fangirl as possible. It has a look of a secret government lab, a jail (for sue detainment) and a fangirl rehab. But the normally quiet and secluded was a rush of madness and chaos. On a loud speaker some one was yelling alerts of breakouts

"BREAK IN SECTOR 4, 8, AND 12! SQUAD BETA REPORT TO SECTORS IMMEDIATELY"

Groups of girls dressed in SWAT team uniforms were running through the halls. One of them was shouting that the portals had been engaged and were being used as escape routes.

After the remaining jail birds were rounded up, it appeared that some of the Sues and fangirls had made it into Middle Earth. This could mean that all hell could break loose on the fellowship. This was a time of drastic measures.

[A/N: Okay so that was a really lame ending but I promise that it will get better, I promise! DON'T LEAVE ME! I feel so unloved, so if you want more you gotta ask for it. That means clicking upon that saintly little button! Down, down a little more, YES there. All those who review will get an official fangirl flambéing kit.]


	2. WHEN FANGIRLS ATTACK!

A/N: HIYA! Sorry if the last chappie was short. I will try to make this one longer.

Disclaimer: Same as before people, I mean do I have to do this EVERY SINGLE TIME? Don't sue me (cowers in the corner)

CHAPPIE 2: ATTACK OF THE FANGIRLS dundunduuuuuuuuun

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I should have been a normal trip to Weathertop, but Strider/Aragorn just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that they were being followed. His ranger senses were tingling, like there was something watching him. Then he heard it, a high pitch squeal.

"FANGIRL!!! TAKE COVER!" he said yelling at the now frightened hobbits.

All of the sudden, 6 fan girls leaped out from the bushes shrieking like banshees, jumping on Aragorn before he had a chance to pull out his sword. Then a figure dressed in a black jumpsuit and black motorcycle helmet carrying a stun gun stepped into the clearing. She didn't hesitate in hitting the fangirls with sedation darts, and hauling them into a hover-cage [A/N: just had to do that, but it basically is a fangirl proof cage that well, hovers]

"I'm sorry that I am late Aragorn, anything broken?" the girl in black asked taking of her helmet. Aragorn just gave her a 'who are you and how do you know my name?' look. "Oh I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Kate from The Anti-Mary Sue and Rabid Fangirl League or AMSRFL. I was assigned to protect you and the hobbits from the mass of escaped Fangirls and Mary Sues." She continued to explain about the jail break and the escapes to Middle Earth. "You and your friends have become targets of the fangirls, so you need the protection"she said walking over to the hover cage, and started to push it along.

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

Legolas was just riding along on his horse, minding his own business when his elven ears heard a scream. He turned around to see that a hurt girl was screaming his name "HELP ME! I'VE JUST BEEN ATTACKED!" she screamed before fainting. The girl had perfect features. Perfect hair, teeth, eyes, everything! "No, it can't be..." Legolas muttered to himself

"Not here, not now..." A MARY SUE!! (Dramatic theme music followed by a flash of lightning)

All of the sudden the girl jumped up and attempted to pull him off his horse. Then, the Sue slumped over unconscious. Behind her was a girl in a black jumpsuit and helmet holding up a stun gun. "We must get out of here Master Greenleaf, trust me there are more where that came from" she said. This in turn made Legolas give the same look as Aragorn (you know the 'who are you and how do you know my name' look? Yea that one) "My name is Jess and I'm from the (blah, blah, blah same stuff as before), I was assigned to protect you." (Then she explains about the breakout etc. etc. I really don't think you want me to go through this again) But they didn't get far before there was another scream, this even higher pitched than the last. Jess then pulled out a small remote control and pushed a button at the advancing Sue, who was immediately caught in a net that was lying on the ground. Jess than put the Sue (still squealing loudly) in a hover cage with the other one "We can send them to headquarters as soon as we reach Rivendell" she said whipping out her flamethrower [A/N: I is such a pyro ain't I?] Legolas looked at it with some amount of curiosity.

"What? Haven't you ever seen a BBQd Sue?"

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

(X)Back to Kate, Aragorn and the Hobbits(X)

But first a little bout Kate, she was 14 years old, had brown hair that came past her shoulders, and hazel/green eyes that had a fiery glint to them (this meaning that sometimes she could get trigger happy, not a good thing if you were a Sue)

Currently she was trying to explain her stun gun and flame thrower to the hobbits (more specifically Merry and Pippin) as Aragorn lead the way to Weathertop.

"So you mean it shoots flames?" asked Pippin.

"Yup! I will show you when we get to Weathertop" (poor, poor Ring Wraiths)

(x)Fast forward to after they get to Weathertop where Kate goes with Aragorn, the hobbits light the fire, the ring wraiths come, Frodo gets stabbed, and you guys know the deal (x)

"BONZAI! FEEL MY FLAMES OF DOOM YOU INFERNAL BEINGS!" rang Kate's battle cry as she and Aragorn started to set the wraiths on fire.

"Can I have a turn?" asked Pip

"Of course, but share with Merry and only set the wraiths on fire, K?"

"FUN!" Pip yelled as he sent a wall of flames at a wraith

"I'm so proud of him, WAY TO GO PIP!"

After the Nazgul were sufficiently roasted, Aragorn explained to the hobbits about Frodo being stabbed, when Kate stopped him in mid-sentence.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Sounds like the Nazgul? So?"

"That ain't a Nazgul my friend, that's a fangirls scream"

"NO MORE! NO MORE FANGIRLS!"

All of the sudden a mass of an unspecified number of fangirls came over the hill squealing in their banshee like way. "Hold your ground!" Kate said pulling out a gas grenade [A/N: Both Kate and Jess are well equipped. They both have stun guns, flame throwers, gas grenades, hover cages, swords and anything else that I feel like giving them] She pulled the pin out and lobbed it at the approaching swarm. This made a few girls fall down but they were still advancing. "You guys ready?" she said to the confused and horrified Hobbits and Ranger. All of them pulled out there swords (except Frodo, he was still twitching on the ground)

"EAT FIRE YOU DEMONS!" (That was Pippin, who still had Kate's flame thrower)

"DIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Kate said pulling out more grenades and her stun gun

After a fierce battle, the 6 of them of them put the fangirls in yet another hover cage, which was jam packed with girls.

"Okay, now onward to Rivendell!" Kate said pulling out her sword as if leading troops to battle.

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

So ends another chapter, I am so sorry if they are short. I will try to make the next one longer. But in the mean time, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!! Pweeze? Don't make me start to pout...


	3. Enter Lauren

A/N: HI AGAIN! I just want to thank my reviewers (hugs reviewers) I FEEL SO SPECIAL!!!

ForCelebrian: Thank you friend! (Hands a pizza sandwich) Here you go!

Calamir: Thanks for reviewing! And I will try to differentiate (hey I used a big word!) between the two. Also the type of fangirls I'm criticizing are the annoying ones that always sit behind me in the movie theater and giggle and squeal whenever the guy that they obsess over is on the screen.

mindbender013191: Thanks friend! Here is your wish for... MORE!

And just so you guys know, my friend Jess (yes, same Jess as in the story) is helping me write this by dictating to me what I should write, so until I can get in touch with her, I'm gonna just write about me (I'm Kate basically). Also I'm adding a new character, another one of my friends, Lauren.

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue! (Kudos to whoever came up with that)

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(X) on the road to Rivendell (X)

The group (Kate, the hobbits, and Aragorn) were rushing through the forest. Sam was shouting something about 'we'll never make it' and Kate said something about 'yes we will, stop being so pessimistic'. Kate now had the two hover cages chained to one another and was pulling them by a chain she had tied around her waist. A few of the fangirls were awake and squealing, crying or bugging Kate with questions.

"Who are you? You have no right to do this to us!" one particularly obnoxious girl asked

"Actually I have every right to do this! You see I have a license that says if there are people in a parallel dimension that don't belong there and don't have an authorization pass, I have the right to transport them to the right dimension by any means necessary so SHUT UP!" Kate said glaring at the girl.

"But who are you anyway?" another girl asked

"Kate Bosworth" she said with a smirk watching the girls go crazy at the name. Merry (who was only a little bit in front of Kate) stared at her.

"How did you get them to be like that?" he asked

"Well, let's just say that Kate Bosworth is probably the thing that fangirls hate the most"

"So that's not your name?"

"Nah, just call me Kate"

It was by this time that they had made it to the place with the trolls (I can't remember what the name of it is) After Sam and Aragorn went off in search of Kingsfoil, (sp?) Kate waited with the other hobbits, and was trying to explain to them about movies, actors and the AMSARFL. During her description of the Headquarters, she heard someone coming and stopped mid-sentence. Picking up her stun gun she moved to where the noise was coming from.

"HIYA KATE!"

It was a girl who was wearing the same uniform as Kate. The only difference was that she had a pistol and various types of ammo. She too had a sword like Kate's (a Japanese samurai sword) which she was holding in her hand.

"Hi Lauren! Okay introductions, hobbits, Lauren, Lauren, hobbits. Lauren is a friend of mine who is also an agent of the League"

"Si! Hola me pequeno amigos!" she said waving to the hobbits

The hobbits (who had no idea what she said) just stared at her until Pippin piped up

"What's taking Strider and Sam so long?"

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

A/N: Sorry this took so long and that it's so short. I am just trying to decide who should take Frodo to the ford. Any suggestions would be helpful (hint, hint). PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! And also check out Calamir's story, **Seasickness, Hangman, and Really Bad Eggs**, its hilarious! I almost forgot (hands out fangirl flambéing kits) just don't try to use them on siblings... not pretty. REVIEW!


	4. MORE ENTERING!

A/N: HI PEOPLE! I'M BAAAAACK!?

Oki doke review time

evilsquirrelscientist: THIS IS NOT A MARY SUE! Do you think I would give Mary Sues flamethrowers? And also I would have to make them fall in love with the characters, which I will never, I repeat never do.

mindbender013191: you know, penguins sound like a good idea

Mariette: Thank you, and don't worry they won't

ForCelebrian: THANKS AND YOUR WELCOME! And don't worry; Jess will come back in at Rivendell

EL MUCHACHO LOCO: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Evil laughs are fun!)

Disclaimer: Do really any of us own any of the things we write about? Because it does seem a bit pointless... unless I try to buy it off eBay

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

Kate was sitting with Lauren when Aragorn came into the clearing. "Finally!" Kate said standing up "What took you so long? Were you getting kingsfoil from Gondor?"

"I ran into some old friends..." He said as two figures on horses came into the clearing

"What are they?" Pippin whispered to Merry, and shortly after receiving a bop on the head by Lauren

"Um maybe the fact that they are speaking elvish and have pointy ears don't give it away but there elves you baka" Kate said sharply A/N: For all you non anime fans, baka is the Japanese word equivalent of stupid, moron and idiot rolled into one

"This is Arwen and Glorfindel, from Rivendell" he told them as the elves came into the clearing

"I will take Frodo with me and Glorfindel will take you the rest of the way to Rivendell," Arwen said in a hurried tone

(Then we go through the whole bit with the elvish yadayadayada)

"Did they just say penguin?" Lauren asked when Arwen left.

"No, they don't even have an elvish word for penguin" Kate told her as they got up and followed Aragorn and Glorfindel

"What's a penguin?" Sam asked

"Um their these birds that live, um I cant remember what its called, but well they live south and um yeah" Lauren said

"I think the word she is looking for is Antarctica" Kate said to the completely baffled hobbits

"Oh okay" said Merry "What's Antarctica?"

"That my little friend is a discussion for another day" Kate told the hobbits, not wanting to have to explain

"Why not, I mean we have the time?" Lauren said, receiving a death glare from Kate

"Well I guess Antarctica is a big cold place with lotsa snow and ice, and penguins" Kate said. When they reached the Ford, the flood was summoned up and the ring wraiths went for a swim. (Skipping forward once again to Rivendell)

"Welcome to Rivendell! Population, a bunch of elves, and a bunch of other random people that live there!" Kate said as the group walked past the gates into the elven city. The hobbits looked around with awe as the two girls moved the hover cages up some stairs. When they got to the top, they were met by Arwen, who then poured some liquid on the floor. The liquid began to smoke and the smoke turned into a spinning portal. And with a few shoves, the two cages disappeared into it.

"Thank god! We are rid of them!" Kate said doing her victory dance until Arwen spoke up.

"How many other agents were deployed for this?" the elf asked

"It's me, Kate and Jess last I checked" Lauren said counting on her fingers "But more people may have been sent"

Afterwards Kate and Lauren went down into the main garden that overlooked the entrance

"And why again are we down here?" Kate asked

"In case Rivendell gets any unwanted visitors" Lauren said looking through her binoculars "Hey, is that Jess?" she said squinting at the figure entering the gate

"Looks like it" Kate said getting up and walking to the gate.

"OI! JESS!" Kate yelled to her friend

"Hi! Sorry I'm late guys, do you have ANY idea how many freaken Mary Sues I had to stop? 2 CAGES FULL!" she said in an annoyed tone

"Nice to see you too" Lauren said sarcastically

"Hey who's that?" Kate said pointing to the girl standing behind Jess

"This is Melissa, she is a licensed Fangirl, so no worries" Jess said as Melissa waved at her introduction

"What class of fangirl?" Kate asked

"Class 4.3 minor" Melissa answered

"And what's your registration number?"

"24836"

Kate nodded in approval as the group headed to their rooms. What they didn't notice was that someone was sneaking though the gate.

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

A/N: I just had to put a cliffe! Just don't kill me for it! Also if you want to make an 'appearance' just tell me what you want to be and what you want to be called. AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!


	5. Wandering, Swords and Bystaders

A/N: Sososo sorry this took so long. I've been sick a week with pneumonia, had to make up a week of homework and had some bad writers block.

Disclaimer: I couldn't find it on eBay there for I don't own it

REVIEWS:

Mariette: Well that was my original intention, because it wouldn't be any fun if they just left. I think I figured out a way to make it better though

ForCelebrian- The penguin thing was actually not my idea, but I worked off of something a friend of mine said. Also it was two cages of Mary Sue's not fangirls, meaning that they were caught one at a time

Manson- I haveth contenued

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

It is normally peaceful in Rivendell, a calm quiet place. But place 4 girls from the modern world there and you get something just short of chaos.

"Why can't we go with the Fellowship? I really want to go!" Jess was begging the other two agents.

"We can't go because it's against regulations, and you know that too. So quit asking!" Kate was really getting annoyed by Jess's constant pestering

"And don't you dare start with that pout young lady" Lauren said, trying to impersonate someone's mother. After a few giggles from the three, they wandered around Rivendell some more and eventually ran into Melissa. Then the now four of them wandered some more (A/N: Very interesting isn't it? Note the sarcasm here people) before coming down a familiar hallway.

"Hey, isn't this where the shards of Narsil are kept?" Kate asked

"Yeah, I think so... Yeah, cause there is that statue thingy and the painting" Jess said pointing up ahead.

"You know this place looks really different in the day time" Melissa pointed out

"Hey guys, who do I look like?" Kate said picking up the handle of the splintered sword and swung it around wildly as if she was fighting.

"Everyone's favorite ranger of course!" Lauren said pulling out her own sword and swung it around like Kate, with Jess and Melissa leaning on each other for support because they were laughing so hard. Lauren and Kate were both going in slow motion pretending to beat each other up. Kate now had her own sword and the shard was back on the plate thing of the statue (A/N: so descriptive aren't I?). Just as Lauren was pretending to whomp Kate over the head, when a few elves passed by, looking at the four as if they were crazy, and with good reason.

"HI!" Lauren shouted to the elves

"What did I tell you about scaring innocent bystanders?" Jess said in a mock-serious tone

"Oh you're no fun, besides their elves, not bystanders"

"...sure, just keep telling yourself that."

After more slow-mo sword fights, Melissa went to go visit Frodo (A/N: She's a Frodo fangirl, what did you expect?) leaving the other three to resume their aimless wandering.

"Hey, what do you guys say to a contest?" Jess said after a long time of silent walking

"What type of contest?" Kate asked

"How about a shoot out?" Lauren suggested

"Uh...hello, you're the only one with a gun here" Kate pointed out

"Why not a shoot out, Middle Earth style?" Jess said, pointing down below them. Kate and Lauren just stared at her, both completely confused until the saw where Jess was pointing, an abandoned archery field. The three of them then broke out into a sprint, almost running over a group of elves. (A/N: Poor elves, I feel sort of sorry for them for having to put up with these psychos) When they got to the field, they found a pile of arrows and four bows by a target.

"Okay...so now what?" Kate said picking up a bow and testing it

"We could just all shoot at the targets, you know, for practice" Jess said

"But what's the fun in that?" Lauren piped in

"Because anything you would think of would probably end up burning down Rivendell" Jess said "you remember what happened last time..."

"You know she has a point" Kate said "I mean you weren't allowed to have a flamethrower for like a year after the flaming pizza incident"

"For like the hundredth time, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

"Riiiiiight..."

"Are we going to fight or practice? Come on already..." Jess said

"Actually... a fight don't sound half bad..." Kate said slyly

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Lauren said retuning her gaze

"You actualy think? Wow..."

With that the two of them pulled out their swords, getting into a fighting stance with Jess shaking her head

"Well okay then... I guess I'm referring the madness then"

Lauren and Kate were in a stare down when Jess said to begin, and then the two of them charged at each other and the sound of metal on metal when their swords met. Both of them had been trained on how to use their swords for a number of years now, and were quite good at the Japanese style. The two of them were so concentrated on the fight that they didn't see someone come up behind them...

(A/N: I AM ENDING IT THERE!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Random voice #1: The reviewers are gonna kill you for that

RV#2: Yeah, you have already done a cliffhanger

Authoress: (mumbles) party crashers, okay I will continue)

Aragorn was wandering (A/N: Aimlessly I'm sure. Man do these people like to wander...) when he heard the sound of swords clashing. He rushed up to where he heard the sounds coming from. He saw the two fighting with their strange swords (A/N: I'm assuming he hasn't seen a katana, a Japanese long curved sword with a one sided blade) before in a foreign style. The girls were jumping and moving with grace that almost compared to an elf's. The two continued to fight until with a quick motion, Kate was able to knock Laurens sword out of her hand. The girls then simultaneously bowed to each other. Aragorn was impressed by their skill at such a young age, in fact so impressed that he didn't realize that someone had snuck up on him

"WHACHA DOING?" Jess shouted scaring the ranger "Sneaking around are you?"

"What on earth was that for?"

"It was just to easy, I mean you were sneaking up on Kate and Jess when I snuck up on you... so what goes around comes around, you know, karma and all that stuff" Aragorn just nodded, wondering what on earth karma was.

"Now Jess, quit confusing him." Kate said walking over to them "So Aragorn, what did you think of that martial arts show?"

"Martial arts?" Aragorn asked

"Never mind, don't feel like explaining it, any way what did you think?"

"I can honestly say haven't seen any thing like it."

"Well duh, it's Japanese. I highly doubt you know anyone from Japan." Lauren said

"What's Japan?"

"......a place......I'm hungry, anyone know when dinner is served around here?" Kate said looking around "I don't know bout you guys but fighting like that can leave you pretty hungry"

"Uh Kate they probably serve it in the same place we ate lunch" Jess said

"Good point, okay hungry, need food, by Aragorn, lets go" Kate said practically dragging Jess and Lauren behind her. The three of them were on their way to the dining hall when they literally ran into someone.

"Hey watch it!" the blonde girl said

Kate turned to her "You watch... wait Annie, Ann Marie? What are you doing here?"

(A/N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I am so evil! Now be a good reader and click upon that clickiful button to review. REVIEW!)


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